“Never get bored or cynical. Yesterday is a thing of the past.”
Walt Disney
1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio while head banging.
3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.
7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.
13. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look as if they gave you an obscene gesture.
16. At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
22. Keep at least five cats in the car.
23. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.
24. If an fire truck comes up behind you, pull over, get on the roof of your car, and do a cheer for them as they pass!
25. Compliment other drivers on their skill and finesse.
26. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
27. Stop and collect road kill.
28. Stop and pray for road kill.
29. Stop and cook road kill. (If in Tennessee.)
30. Throw Spam. Tape signs on winding email abuse.
31. Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow...down... to... a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.
32. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.
33. Drive off an exit ramp, ask for directions to the town you're in. When they tell you you're there, look confused, glance at your map, laugh, and exclaim, "Oh! Wrong state!"
34. Sing without having the radio on.
35. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off…
As three travelers crossed the mountains of the Himalaya, they discussed the importance of putting into practice everything they had learned on a spiritual plane. They we so engrossed in their conversation that it was only late at night that they realized that all they had with them was a piece of bread.
They decided not to discuss who deserved to eat it; since they were pious men, they left the decision in the hands of the gods. They prayed that, during the night, a superior spirit should indicate who should receive the food.
The following morning, the three men rose together at sunrise.
"This is my dream," said the first traveler. "I was taken to places I had never visited before, and enjoyed the sort of peace and harmony I have sought in vain during my entire life on earth. In the midst of this paradise, a wise man with a long beard said to me: "you are my chosen one, you never sought pleasure, always renounced all things. And, in order to prove my allegiance to you, I should like you to try a piece of bread."
"Thats very strange," said the second traveler. "For in my dream, I saw my past of sanctity and my future as a master. As I gazed at that which is to come, I found a man of great wisdom, saying: "You are in greater need of food than your friends, for you shall have to lead many people, and will require strength and energy."
Then the third traveler said:
"In my dream I saw nothing, went nowhere, and found no wise men. However, at a certain hour during the night, I suddenly woke up. And I ate the bread."
The other two were furious:
"And why didn't you call us before making such a personal decision?"
"How could I? You were both so far away, finding masters and having such holy visions! Yesterday we discussed the importance of putting into practice that which we learn on a spiritual plane. In my case, God acted quickly, and had me awake dying of hunger!"
Mohammed Gwath Shattari
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Full Moon | Timing | |||
Date | Day | Moon Rise | Moon Set | Full Moon |
January 9, 2012 | Monday | 17: 55 | 06: 59 | 01 : 00 |
February 8, 2012 | Wednesday | 18: 44 | 06: 59 | 03: 24 |
March 8, 2012 | Thursday | 18: 33 | 06: 09 | 15: 10 |
April 7, 2012 | Saturday | 19: 33 | 06: 03 | 00: 49 |
May 6, 2012 | Sunday | 19: 27 | 05: 25 | 09: 05 |
June 4, 2012 | Monday | 19: 18 | 05: 00 | 16: 42 |
July 4, 2012 | Wednesday | 19: 50 | 05: 53 | 00: 22 |
August 2, 2012 | Thursday | 19: 09 | 05: 44 | 08: 58 |
August 31, 2012 | Friday | 18: 21 | 05: 32 | 19: 29 |
September 30, 2012 | Sunday | 18: 04 | 06: 13 | 08: 49 |
October 30, 2012 | Tuesday | 17: 55 | 06: 48 | 01: 20 |
November 28, 2012 | Wednesday | 17: 18 | 06: 28 | 20: 16 |
December 28, 2012 | Friday | 17: 41 | 06: 51 | 15: 52 |
New Moon | Timing | |||
Moon Rise | Moon Set | New Moon | Moon Set | Full Moon |
January 23, 2012 | Monday | 06: 54 | 18: 05 | 13: 09 |
February 21, 2012 | Tuesday | 06 :45 | 18: 47 | 04: 05 |
March 22, 2012 | Thursday | 05: 51 | 18: 28 | 20: 07 |
April 21, 2012 | Saturday | 05: 32 | 19: 01 | 12: 49 |
May 20, 2012 | Sunday | 05: 31 | 19: 34 | 05: 17 |
June 19, 2012 | Tuesday | 05: 02 | 19: 09 | 20: 33 |
July 19 2012 | Thursday | 05: 37 | 19: 17 | 09: 55 |
August17, 2012 | Friday | 05: 22 | 18: 32 | 21: 25 |
September 16, 2012 | Sunday | 06: 09 | 18: 21 | 07: 41 |
October15, 2012 | Monday | 05: 58 | 17: 36 | 17: 33 |
November 14, 2012 | Wednesday | 06: 57 | 17: 54 | 03: 38 |
December 13, 2012 | Thursday | 06: 46 | 17: 36 | 14: 12 |
Who gets up early to discover the moment light begins? Who finds us here circling, bewildered, like atoms? Who comes to a spring thirsty and sees the moon reflected in it? Who, like Jacob blind with grief and age, smells the shirt of his lost son and can see again? Who lets a bucket down and brings up a flowing prophet? Or like Moses goes for fire and finds what burns inside the sunrise? Jesus slips into a house to escape enemies and opens a door to the other world. Solomon cuts open a fish, and there's a gold ring. Omar storms in to kill the prophet and leaves with blessings. Chase a deer and end up everywhere? An oyster opens his mouth to swallow one drop. Now there's a pearl. A vagrant wanders empty ruins Suddenly he's wealthy. But don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth, without complicated explanations, so everyone will understand the passage, We have opened you. Start walking towards Shams. Your legs will get heavy and tired. Then comes a moment of feeling the wings you've grown, lifting.
Rumi From: The Essential Rumi; Translations by Coleman Barks, and John Moyne; Harper San Francisco '95.